Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Leaves



The leaves were glowing against the
dark rainy sky
It seems they were screaming
"Look at me!"


Monday, December 5, 2011

Changing....

I've written this before.....
Change is coming - I can feel it
And maybe in the past, the changes did
come, maybe a slight veer in the path,
but really, not much more than that.

Did I stop paying attention and so
the waves passed over me as only a ripple?
Or was I too afraid to look?  Scared of
the work it would require on my part?

I feel it again, this coming change.  
I am still afraid - not sure if I am up
to the challenge.....not sure if I can
master this work ahead.

But deep inside, in my heart, I know
I really don't have a choice - my soul is
crying out for something new, something
real, something deeper...

It's time to make a change....

Thursday, November 24, 2011

On this day and everyday......

"Let the Thankful heart sweep through the day."
                                                                  Henry Ward Beecher

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Barriers

Barrier / Locked doors / Road blocks

I see these words a lot lately
and I feel them coursing
through my veins

Why must I endure this?
Yes, I know....character building,
strengthening the steel, lessons
for the future...I've heard this all before

Still, it makes one wonder.....
Perhaps these barriers are simply
blocking your way in order for you to
Take a new road....

Sunday, October 9, 2011

But, what if know one ever loves me again?

If you want that true, deep love...
then you have to give that true, deep love

But know that the gift of yourself may not be
accepted.  Your gift may not be returned

If so, walk away, have faith and know....

The One you are looking for
Is also looking for you.....

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Words in my Heart

Maybe there was a dream and maybe not....I don't really remember.
But in the morning confusion of waking, it was that word that
echoed through my head - Transformation.

Off and on through-out my life, I have thought, "I should be
more of this" or "I should do more of that".  But in my 50th
year, I have come to realize that each stage is a learning
process and in reality, I like the person I have become. 

And I also know that I am entering a new stage in this life... 
While I will always be a mother, I am no longer of child-bearing
age, my children grown and living their own lives.  I am entering
the age of the Crone. 

And while there are those who look back on their lives and wish
to return to their youth....I am looking forward.  I want to embrace
this new part of me and live it with gusto and fearlessness...reveling
in this new transformation!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Never Forget

 
(photo from the web)

AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 11
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UNITED FLIGHT 175
Alona Avraham • Garnet Edward (Ace) Bailey • Mark Lawrence Bavis • Graham Andrew Berkeley • Touri Bolourchi • Klaus Bothe • Daniel R. Brandhorst • David Reed Gamboa Brandhorst • John Brett Cahill • Christoffer Mikael Carstanjen • John (Jay) J. Corcoran • Ana Gloria Pocasangre de Barrera • Dorothy Alma DeAraujo • Robert John Fangman • Lisa Frost • Ronald Gamboa • Lynn Catherine Goodchild • Peter Morgan Goodrich • Douglas A. Gowell • Francis E. Grogan • Carl Max Hammond • Christine Lee Hanson • Peter Hanson • Gerald F. Hardacre • Eric Samadikan Hartono • James E. Hayden • Herbert W. Homer • Michael R. Horrocks • Robert Adrien Jalbert • Amy N. Jarret • Ralph Francis Kershaw • Sue Jue Kim-Hanson • Heinrich Kimmig • Amy R. King • Brian Kinney • Kathryn L. LaBorie • Robert George LeBlanc • Maclovio Lopez • Marianne MacFarlane • Alfred Gilles Padre Joseph Marchand • Louis Neil Mariani • Juliana Valentine McCourt • Ruth Magdaline McCourt • Wolfgang Peter Menzel • Shawn M. Nassaney • Marie Pappalardo • Patrick J. Quigley • Frederick Charles Rimmele • James M. Roux • Jesus Sanchez • Victor J. Saracini • Mary Kathleen Shearer • Robert Michael Shearer • Jane Louise Simpkin • Brian D. Sweeney • Michael C. Tarrou • Alicia Nicole Titus • Timothy Ray Ward • William M. Weems

THE TOWERS
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John G. Ueltzhoeffer • Tyler V. Ugolyn • Michael A. Uliano • Jonathan J. Uman • Anil Shivhari Umarkar • Allen V. Upton • Diane Maria Urban
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Gregory Wachtler • Gabriela Waisman • Courtney Wainsworth Walcott • Victor Wald • Benjamin Walker • Glen J. Wall • Mitchel Scott Wallace • Peter G. Wallace • Robert F. Wallace • Roy Michael Wallace • Jean Marie Wallendorf • Matthew Blake Wallens • John Wallice • Barbara P. Walsh • James Walsh • Jeffrey Patrick Walz • Ching H. Wang • Weibin Wang • Michael Warchola • Stephen Gordon Ward • James A. Waring • Brian G. Warner • Derrick Washington • Charles Waters • James Thomas (Muddy) Waters • Patrick J. Waters • Kenneth Watson • Michael H. Waye • Todd C. Weaver • Walter E. Weaver • Nathaniel Webb • Dinah Webster • Joanne Flora Weil • Michael Weinberg • Steven Weinberg • Scott Jeffrey Weingard • Steven Weinstein • Simon Weiser • David M. Weiss • David T. Weiss • Vincent Michael Wells • Timothy Matthew Welty • Christian Hans Rudolf Wemmers • Ssu-Hui (Vanessa) Wen • Oleh D. Wengerchuk • Peter M. West • Whitfield West • Meredith Lynn Whalen • Eugene Whelan • Adam S. White • Edward James White • James Patrick White • John S. White • Kenneth W. White • Leonard Anthony White • Malissa White • Wayne White • Leanne Marie Whiteside • Mark Whitford • Michael T. Wholey • Mary Lenz Wieman • Jeffrey David Wiener • William J. Wik • Allison M. Wildman • Glenn Wilkinson • John C. Willett • Brian Patrick Williams • Crossley Williams • David Williams • Deborah Lynn Williams • Kevin Michael Williams • Louie Anthony Williams • Louis Calvin Williams • John Williamson • Cynthia Wilson • Donna Wilson • William E. Wilson • David H. Winton • Glenn J. Winuk • Thomas Francis Wise • Alan L. Wisniewski • Frank T. Wisniewski • David Wiswall • Sigrid Charlotte Wiswe • Michael R. Wittenstein • Christopher W. Wodenshek • Martin P. Wohlforth • Katherine S. Wolf • Jennifer Y. Wong • Jenny Seu Kueng Low Wong • Siu Cheung Wong • Yin Ping (Steven) Wong • Yuk Ping Wong • Brent James Woodall • James J. Woods • Patrick Woods • Richard Herron Woodwell • David Terence Wooley • John Bentley Works • Martin Michael Wortley • Rodney James Wotton • William Wren • John Wright • Neil R. Wright • Sandra Wright
Yambem • Suresh Yanamadala • Matthew David Yarnell • Myrna Yaskulka • Shakila Yasmin • Olabisi L. Yee • Edward P. York • Kevin Patrick York • Raymond York • Suzanne Youmans • Barrington L. Young • Jacqueline (Jakki) Young • Elkin Yuen
Joseph Zaccoli • Adel Agayby Zakhary • Arkady Zaltsman • Edwin J. Zambrana • Robert Alan Zampieri • Mark Zangrilli • Ira Zaslow • Kenneth Albert Zelman • Abraham J. Zelmanowitz • Martin Morales Zempoaltecatl • Zhe (Zack) Zeng • Marc Scott Zeplin • Jie Yao Justin Zhao • Ivelin Ziminski • Michael Joseph Zinzi • Charles A. Zion • Julie Lynne Zipper • Salvatore J. Zisa • Prokopios Paul Zois • Joseph J. Zuccala • Andrew Steven Zucker • Igor Zukelman


UNITED FLIGHT 93
Christian Adams • Lorraine G. Bay • Todd Beamer • Alan Beaven • Mark K. Bingham • Deora Frances Bodley • Sandra W. Bradshaw • Marion Britton • Thomas E. Burnett • William Joseph Cashman • Georgine Rose Corrigan • Patricia Cushing • Jason Dahl • Joseph Deluca • Patrick Joseph Driscoll • Edward P. Felt • Jane C. Folger • Colleen Laura Fraser • Andrew Garcia • Jeremy Glick • Lauren Grandcolas • Wanda Anita Green • Donald F. Greene • Linda Gronlund • Richard Jerry Guadagno • LeRoy Wilton Homer • Toshiya Kuge • CeeCee Lyles • Hilda Marcin • Waleska Martinez Rivera • Nicole Miller • Louis J. Nacke • Donald Arthur Peterson • Jean Hoadley Peterson • Mark Rothenberg • Christine Anne Snyder • John Talignani • Honor Elizabeth Wainio • Deborah Welsh • Olga Kristin Gould White

AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 77
Paul W. Ambrose • Yeneneh Betru • Mary Jane (MJ) Booth • Bernard Curtis Brown • Charles F. Burlingame • Suzanne M. Calley • William E. Caswell • David M. Charlebois • Sara M. Clark • Asia S. Cottom • James Daniel Debeuneure • Rodney Dickens • Eddie A. Dillard • Charles A. Droz • Barbara G. Edwards • Charles S. Falkenberg • Dana Falkenberg • Zoe Falkenberg • James Joseph Ferguson • Darlene E. Flagg • Wilson F. Flagg • Richard P. Gabriel • Ian J. Gray • Stanley R. Hall • Michele M. Heidenberger • Bryan C. Jack • Steven D. Jacoby • Ann C. Judge • Chandler R. Keller • Yvonne E. Kennedy • Norma Cruz Khan • Karen Ann Kincaid • Dong Chul Lee • Jennifer Lewis • Kenneth E. Lewis • Renee A. May • Dora Marie Menchaca • Christopher C. Newton • Barbara K. Olson • Ruben S. Ornedo • Robert Penninger • Robert R. Ploger • Zandra F. Ploger • Lisa J. Raines • Todd H. Reuben • John P. Sammartino • Diane M. Simmons • George W. Simmons • Mari-Rae Sopper • Robert Speisman • Norma Lang Steuerle • Hilda E. Taylor • Leonard E. Taylor • Sandra D. Teague • Leslie A. Whittington • John D. Yamnicky • Vicki C. Yancey • Shuyin Yang • Yuguang Zheng

THE PENTAGON
Craig Amundson • Melissa Rose Barnes • Max J. Beilke • Kris Romeo Bishundat • Carrie R. Blagburn • Canfield D. Boone • Diana Borrero de Padro • Donna Bowen • Allen P. Boyle • Christopher Lee Burford • Daniel Martin Caballero • Jose Orlando Calderon-Olmedo • Angelene C. Carter • Sharon A. Carver • John J. Chada • Rosa Maria (Rosemary) Chapa • Julian T. Cooper • Eric A. Cranford • Ada M. Davis • Gerald Francis DeConto • Jerry Don Dickerson • Johnnie Doctor • Robert Edward Dolan • William Howard Donovan • Patrick Dunn • Edward Thomas Earhart • Robert Randolph Elseth • Jamie Lynn Fallon • Amelia V. Fields • Gerald P. Fisher • Matthew Michael Flocco • Sandra N. Foster • Lawrence Daniel Getzfred • Cortez Ghee • Brenda C. Gibson • Ron F. Golinski • Diane M. Hale-McKinzy • Carolyn B. Halmon • Sheila M. S. Hein • Ronald John Hemenway • Wallace Cole Hogan • Jimmie Ira Holley • Angela M. Houtz • Brady K. Howell • Peggie M. Hurt • Stephen Neil Hyland • Robert J. Hymel • Lacey B. Ivory • Dennis M. Johnson • Judith L. Jones • Brenda Kegler • Michael Scott Lamana • David W. Laychak • Samantha L. Lightbourn-Allen • Stephen V. Long • James T. Lynch • Terence M. Lynch • Nehamon Lyons • Shelley A. Marshall • Teresa M. Martin • Ada L. Mason-Acker • Dean E. Mattson • Timothy J. Maude • Robert J. Maxwell • Molly L. McKenzie • Patricia E. (Patti) Mickley • Ronald D. Milam • Gerard (Jerry) P. Moran • Odessa V. Morris • Brian Anthony Moss • Teddington H. Moy • Patrick Jude Murphy • Khang Ngoc Nguyen • Michael Allen Noeth • Chin Sun Pak • Jonas Martin Panik • Clifford L. Patterson • Darin Howard Pontell • Scott Powell • Jack D. Punches • Joseph John Pycior • Deborah A. Ramsaur • Rhonda Sue Rasmussen • Marsha Dianah Ratchford • Martha M. Reszke • Cecelia E. Richard • Edward V. Rowenhorst • Judy Rowlett • Robert E. Russell • William R. Ruth • Charles E. Sabin • Marjorie C. Salamone • David M. Scales • Robert Allan Schlegel • Janice M. Scott • Michael L. Selves • Marian H. Serva • Dan Frederic Shanower • Antionette M. Sherman • Donald D. Simmons • Cheryle D. Sincock • Gregg Harold Smallwood • Gary F. Smith • Patricia J. Statz • Edna L. Stephens • Larry L. Strickland • Kip P. Taylor • Sandra C. Taylor • Karl W. Teepe • Tamara C. Thurman • Otis Vincent Tolbert • Willie Q. Troy • Ronald James Vauk • Karen J. Wagner • Meta L. Waller • Maudlyn A. White • Sandra L. White • Ernest M. Willcher • David Lucian Williams • Dwayne Williams • Marvin R. Woods • Kevin Wayne Yokum • Donald McArthur Young • Edmond G. Young • Lisa L. Young

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May you all rest in peace.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Old Woman

In Diana Gabaldon's book, The Drums of Autumn, she has Claire Fraser meeting an old
Indian medicine woman.  Nayawenne tells Claire that she will come in to her full power
when her hair turns white. 

This is what I am looking forward to...but I do realize there is work to be done in
getting to that point.

So, I'm taking stock, weighing what is real and truly important....sifting through thoughts
and beliefs - discarding those that no longer fit who I am or who I want to be.  I want
to get down to my true essence and live from there.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I've been having trouble getting and staying motivated
lately to do anything....it's to hot! I'm too tired!
bitch & moan; whine & cry; blah, blah, blah......

So, this was my horoscope this morning:

Your dreams will never come true unless you believe in and act on them, Capricorn. No one else is going to do it for you. Unless you have a fairy godmother, you need to take matters into your own hands. Realize that you can get there many different ways. The first step is always to believe in yourself and the fact that anything is possible. Today is a great day to let your imagination take charge.
 
I would say this is the Universe telling me to get my act together
and get busy!  I guess there is no more feeling sorry for myself and
making excuses....because really, you can't get it any more basic
than the above....

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I wonder......

If I just walked away, would the world truly end?

I mean really....if I left my job, sold my house and
started life over....what's truly going to happen?
Will I get demerits for not doing it "properly"?

I realize I'm 50 years old, that I'm no longer a
spring chicken.  Is there anyone that truly cares?
I'm not decrepit, nor have I lost my wits.

Something's got to happen soon....I can't stand
this much longer...But, I have to be willing to walk
away....

Thursday, June 2, 2011

This letting go

I know that the time is here....this letting you go.  I've
heard the urgent whispers, I've seen the signs....I know
this is what has to happen for both of us to progress
in this life. 

Just remember that life can be hard.....but, that's where
the lessons are; the challenges that shape us and give us
the strength to grow.

But there is so much to love about life too....hanging out
with friends & family, good music, sunshine...so many different
things that bring us joy....this is where you can find rest. 

Remember to pay attention to it all....you don't want to miss
the sign post for your path.  I am here if you need me, but it's
time for you to go...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My dollhouse project update

It was going to be a glorious week! A week of
vacation on the farm...working on our dollhouse.
With so much to do, our list was a mile long!

Well, we do have electricity in the bathroom now
and have set the toilet....after all, you do have
to plan for the necessities! We will eventually
have to pull the toilet up and set tile...but for
now, we have a place to go.



I came to realize very early on in this project
that I would need to learn patience. I'm ready
to move, I have plans and dreams:gardens / chickens
/ goats....time to work on my art in my new studio...
Why is this taking so long? I'm not getting any
younger, ya know!

But the Universe has other plans....has told me to
chill out, to enjoy the process...I have to be where
I am for now...I have things to learn, to do, to
see before the time is right to move.

I want to soften in to this flow, to accept this
as true and be in the moment, so as not to miss
anything. But honestly, I don't think I'm doing
a very good job....I am anxious and depressed,
afraid I will never get to realize this dream.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Hold on.....

i feel the light coming...things are getting brighter
thoughts and feelings are no longer so heavy to bear....

i may make it after all

Monday, February 7, 2011

Winter blues



I tell myself I must be here - in this place, doing
this work...that I have something to learn...that
when the time is right, everything will move
forward as it should.

And for a while, I believe it.....

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Lists....

I've been seeing a lot of lists online these days...."10 things about
me"; "10 things that make me Happy", etc.....so, to play along.....
here's my list of 10 things about me that make me happy...

1. I am a country girl at heart
2. I have the greatest man in the world as my best friend,
lover & rock!
3. My children and family are the glue that hold me together
4. I am an artist!
5. I love pie. any kind. any time.
6. I love Mother Earth and find God there in all aspects of Nature.
7. Time with the girls is a necessity for me...their love and acceptance
nourish my soul.
8. Music gives me wings
9. I am healthy and learning to love my body. as is.
10. I am liberal in my thinking and feel our differences should
be celebrated as much as our commonalities.

How 'bout you?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Baby, it's cold outside!


I'm not complaining (too loudly)....it rained before this little bit
of snow came in last week.....and we do need the moisture so
bad....but, damn it's cold!



I would never make it as a Northerner....plus, my
East Texas accent would give me away! : )

Stay warm everybody!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Dollhouse Project...the beginning

Every morning when I get to work and sign in
to my computer, I take a quick tour around
the blogosphere to see what my favorites are
up to.

Dear Graciel wrote about her plans for the new
year with her dollhouse project...I decided I
wanted to be a part and play along....however,
I don't have a dollhouse, don't have room for one
and didn't want to go get one....I was wondering
what I might be able to use as a virtual dollhouse
in order to participate.

Isn't it odd how our dreams can provide the
answers? I woke up from a dead sleep in the middle
of the night knowing this house renovation project
my husband & I are doing would work perfectly
for my plans....

In an older post, I mentioned the fact that we are
working on my Father's childhood home for our
future retirement home. It's been quite an eye
opener in many ways....the time involved, the
"out of the box" thinking of ways to work around
certain obstacles (it's not that easy to re-wire
a solid concrete house).

We are both so ready to leave the city life and
move to the country...I've seen already in this
project I will learn a lot of patience...something I
have a hard time with.

I've already come to realize that I have to accept
the fact that not everything will go smoothly or
as quickly as I would like or even that I will get
to do eveything I want with this house remodel.
That sometimes I will have to accept these
imperfections.

But in the end, we'll have a wonderful little house in
the country...and all the hard work, tears and cursing
will be worth it!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me!




This past weekend was my birthday! I turned 50 years
old....(wow!!).

It's going to be a great year and I'm so looking forward
to it....as I told my son when he called to wish me
birthday wishes..."With age, comes wisdom".