Friday, December 28, 2012

Changes

The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air...
                                                                                             Galadriel, Lord of the Rings


That prologue of the Lord of the Rings spoken by Galadriel is one
of my favorites in all of the movies....

But, it's also how I'm feeling these days....the world has changed. 
And obviously, we are changing with it....and for the most part,
I feel it's for the better.   I think we probably have some last bits
of karma that we are burning through, but overall we are headed
in the right direction.

I'm also feeling a bit lost in all of this....it seems in looking back on
my life, I have just sort of floated along....taking this bend of the
stream....moving back over the other side....no real plan or direction.

Now, I'm feeling I have to make a decision, put together a plan, set
some goals!  Which would be fine, except....I'm lost. 

So, 2013 is going to be a year of exploration for me...I'm looking under
every rock, in every nook and cranny, high and low.....maybe I will
see you along the way!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Wishing you a day full of love and light.....with hopes for the same in the
New Year!

Friday, December 21, 2012

This is no time for timid hearts

This is no time for timid hearts
For holding back your most precious gifts in the face of fear of retribution
For wedging yourself into a doorway while you wonder
if you are worthy of entrance
For sitting interminably on a fence whose only purpose is
to separate you from your very self
This is no time
 
This is no time to utter whatever from a place of rarefied observation
To be carried along buoyed by neither aim nor intention
To let life live you blithely while you relinquish your birthright of free will
To sanction guilt and obligation as they hold sway
over your most fervent desires,
This is no time
 
This is no time for equivocation, for hedging and backsliding
For whimpering and decrying all that you have created
For playing victim to predators of any stripe, be they real or illusory
For abdicating personal responsibility in the face of a
preponderance of evidence,
If ever there was a time, it is not now
 
For forthright declaration of your deepest truths
This is the time
For standing your ground for causes that bear the mantle of justice
This is the time
For fostering unadulterated freedom that rings out
above the screech of politics and posturing,
For inaugurating new byways of sustainable evolution
by lifting one hand after another
For redeeming without hesitation the wonderful
that you believed was gone forever
This, right now, is the time
 
This is not the time to take the bait of vulturous fearmongers
To withhold the emanations of your frangible heart
To stockpile the succulent flowerings of your soul
To hurl at others the boomerang of judgment or culpability
(lest it return to its rightful owner)
This is not the time
 
If you have ever yearned to unleash your passions
Ached to be exponentially more than you have dared to be
Hungered for a greater humanity within and without
Longed for connection that defies the so-called bounds
of time and space
And have known for eternity that you were born to be Love,
 
Today
Right here
Right now
This is the time.
 
 
 
 
 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

One of those things

whatever you perceive and believe, you receive.....the choice is yours.




(i found this on the 'net....i wish i had taken the time to bookmark where i found it)

Monday, December 17, 2012

Angels

- Charlotte Bacon
- Daniel Barden
- Rachel Davino
- Olivia Engel
- Josephine Gay
- Ana M. Marquez-Greene
- Dylan Hockley
- Dawn Hochsprung
- Madeleine F. Hsu
- Catherine V. Hubbard
- Chase Kowalski
- Jesse Lewis
- James Mattioli
- Grace McDonnell
- Anne Marie Murphy
- Emilie Parker
- Jack Pinto
- Noah Pozner
- Caroline Previdi
- Jessica Rekos
- Avielle Richman
- Lauren Rousseau,
- Mary Sherlach
- Victoria Soto
- Benjamin Wheeler
- Allison N. Wyatt

We love you all.

Monday, October 22, 2012

What mask are you wearing?

Today was probably not the best day to ask that question.

I'm in "one of those moods"....it's not really unusual for me
to get this way on Mondays....we've just spent the weekend
in the country, working on the farmhouse and then I have
to come back to the city, back to a job that bores me to
tears on so many different levels.....I have a right to be
pissy....don't you think? 

So, the question in Autumn Soulodge this morning was
"What mask are you wearing"?   And I thought, maybe
it's that mask that makes me appear to give a shit as to
what goes on in the office each day....or maybe it's the
mask that gives me an air of peaceful contentment over
the way my life is going right now....when in reality,
I could rip it to shreds, just to see if I could put it back
together - a little differently this time.

No, maybe today wasn't the best day for this question.....
and then again, maybe it was....Maybe today I will finally
begin to sort through and discard crap that no longer fits,
or confront those shadows to see whats there that seems to
be holding me back.   Maybe then I could throw my masks
away.  





Friday, October 19, 2012

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart’s core.
 
William Butler Yeats
 
**********
 
I have no words at this time....and find myself yearning for some
peace and softness in this season of darkness. 

The words above seem to give me that for now, knowing that someday
I will have my own Innisfree...
 

Friday, September 14, 2012

Choices

We are at the crossroads;
standing on the very edge of a precipice.

Look one way and you see the Light;
the Love & Peace of Heaven on Earth

The other way?  Darkness, Fear, the
Destruction of our very souls.
Truly our worst nightmares made real.

Why do we continually make the wrong choice?
How can we not see what we are doing to each
other and ourselves?

I do not have the answer.

I can only hope that one day we wake and see that
True Love is really our only choice. 

Friday, September 7, 2012

It's all a matter of perspective...

In this game called Life
You play your part.  I play mine.
Sometimes we love.  Sometimes we fight.
God's gift of Free Will ensures that.

What we think, we create.
Heart = Love.  Ego = Fear.
In the illusion, we have forgotten
We are Children of God.

Faith and hope are hard work.
Remembering who we are...
What we are here to do...
Will we ever make it?

Take time away from the noise
Spend some time in your silence.
Know that God is Love
And release your fears.
 
**************************************************
I've been doing a lot of reading lately...about the possibilities of
what's coming at the end of the Mayan calendar and beyond for
our human species. I find a lot of it way out there (even for me),
but it's exciting and interesting....I have so many questions and
so few answers. It has given me food for thought and opened
my eyes to possibilities I would never have even conceived....

Thursday, August 30, 2012

When the time comes.....

...and you are given the choice....

I hope you choose Love......

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Signs, Signs, Everywhere are signs....

It all began Memorial Day weekend with the arrival of the Hawk.

I see hawks all the time when we're driving - sitting in the trees,
on fence posts - just hanging out doing their Hawk thing...
But I've never seen one at the Farm, nor have I ever heard one.

But, that Sunday while we were having a family bbq, one flew
overhead, let out that cry, circled a few times and then left.  I have
not seen him since.  I was the only one who saw him & I knew
then it was a sign....I just didn't know what it meant.

**Hawk is a messenger & comes to you indicating you are now awakening to your soul purpose.  Its message for you is to be open to hope & new ideas, to extend the vision of your life.



The night before the Hawk came, I had a dream.  In my dream, I was talking with my Dad & I had given him a feather to make his burdens lighter.  I woke up that next morning knowing I would find the feather I needed that day.

Later that afternoon, our sons and grandsons had gone fishing.  When they
returned, one of my grandsons gave me a feather he had found - the gift
of a Blue Heron.



**Heron teaches self-esteem & balancing life's daily tasks.  She looks deeper into aspects of life which brings out innate wisdom & teaches that grounding yourself in the earth, spiritual & emotional insights will become clearer.




Yesterday, on my drive in to work, I am thinking to myself about doing an online course with Pixie Campbell.  Do I want to spend the money?   Will I truly do the work required to make sure I actually get something out of the class?  Will I spend this time on myself?   I am sitting at a traffic light when I notice the Dragonfly.   She is hovering right in front of my window -
in the middle of a busy intersection....



**Dragonfly symbolizes change & change in perspective of self realization.   The kind of change in mental & emotional maturity & the understanding of  the deeper meaning of life.





Hang on, we're not through yet.....As I walk out the door this morning on
my way to work, an Egret is sitting in a tree across the street from my house.   I watch him rise and fly away.




**Egret teaches us to stand in the physical & spiritual worlds.  He teaches the healing of emotions in order to bridge the heart & mind.  This also correlates to grounding properties in order to receive & process spiritual & emotional insights for greater clarity.



I think I get the message....I have work to do.  I have signed up for the class. 

*****************************************************

(Pictures and information from the www)   

Friday, July 20, 2012

Colorado.....

I am holding you tight in my heart
and sending you love.   You are my
prayers.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Whining......or not

I've been spending a lot of time at www.rootsofshe.com lately....reading and absorbing
every little morsel I can.  These ladies living and speaking their truth is very encouraging
and have me so hopeful for a bright future.  I'm convinced the younger generation will
save us!

But, by the end of today, I was mentally wiped out and in such a whiney, bitchy mood.
The job has just beat me down!  (And no time off in sight....)

I'm feeling frustrated and depressed.  I can feel the cracks forming and I want to break
out of this shell, grow new feathers and fly!  But, I just can't see the way....I'm not sure
how to go about birthing this new me.  I feel lost and afraid....afraid I will never realize
my dreams. 

I sometimes wonder if in reality, I am living my truth and I just don't realize it.  It's not
like I'm totally miserable - I just know there's something more, something deeper and
I just can't find the path.  It's driving me insane!

By the time I got home, I was ready to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head, but
my Man suggested dinner at our favorite Mexican food restaurant.  So, after a plate full
of veggie fajitas and a trip to the home improvement store for supplies for the farmhouse
remodel, I was in a better mood.  He definitely knows the way to my heart!  HA.  I am
in a better mood and inclined to be a bit more grateful for the blessings in my life.

I know I still have this road ahead of me and I know it won't be easy, but I won't give
up and with God's help, eventually I will make it. 






Wednesday, July 11, 2012

MIA

Where did June go?  For that matter, we're almost to the middle
of July....time is moving much to fast! 

I wish I could say that I've been so busy - conjuring and creating,
or even planning to conjur and create.  Alas, no - I haven't been doing
a thing.

My babies did come home in late June - My son and his wife are both
serving in the USAir Force and had been stationed in Germany the last
3 years.  I was not able to get over there to see them (and their babies),
so having them home for 10 days was pure heaven!  Plus, they are
now stationed in Texas....even though it's still quite a drive - at least
they are in the same state!

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Hang on....it's gonna be a bumpy ride....

I haven't been very active lately....doing a lot of sitting around...reading gardening magazines, novels, new favorite websites, watching fluff on tv, listening to my heart beat....no thinking, no doing.....just gathering. 

I know times like this are incubation periods and you never know what's going to seep in and stick. Or what it will turn in to. 

I read my horoscope every day and a lot of times I think that it's obviously meant for some other Capricorn....but today's was sent directly to me.   And when my husband's coincides with mine, i will normally send him an email with both:

Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
It's an excellent forecast for you, Capricorn! Although no specific events will occur, there is the huge promise of freedom over the next seven months. A fundamental shift is about to occur in your occupation and love life, As the months unfold, you can expect to be more visionary, more creative, and perhaps more rebellious. This time, you'll be much more effective than in the past two or three years.
·       Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
The day should be fairly positive, Scorpio, and you'll begin to feel the faintest hints of a major change beginning. This new phase will last seven months. As it progresses, you'll find greater freedom of expression. You can expect to shift into high gear in subjects you used to avoid. Some friction with siblings is likely to arise in the next few months.
 So, his response?  "Interesting, huh?" 

And in my mind, I am thinking - "Buddy, you have no idea......"

Thursday, May 10, 2012

i am listening....

i am listening
above & below the incessant chatter
of daily life, i am listening....
words, thoughts, feelings flowing by,
a river whispering to my soul.

a change of attitude; a different way of life
something more, something real

this is what i hear blowing in the wind
follow me; trust me; your discoveries
will set you free, will give you wings

i am listening in the depths of my
beating heart

Friday, April 13, 2012

signs.....

I’m tired of living the life of what society considers the “status quo”.   Monday – Friday, 9-5 is just not doing it for me anymore.  
I feel like if I look hard enough that I can find the loose corner on the veil in my mind…..peeling it back to reveal a new layer, a new way to be, a new way to live
This is my intent for 2012….to look for and / or create my own little world.

********
I wrote the above and emailed it to myself on January 20, 2012.    It was "one of those mornings"  I was in a pissy mood....didn't want to go to work...didn't like my job....ready to move to the farm and can't.  I've moved on from that mood (sort of), but still seem to have that same residual feeling in the back of my mind.....just sitting there, waiting...and watching. 

Last week, in my wandering through the wwweb, I found The Art of Nonconformity.  I don't even remember now how or what I was originally looking for.

I know we've all been told that God knows what we need before we even ask.  But to actually see that materialize before your very eyes is pretty amazing (and comforting).
And I took it for the sign that it is - I've ordered the book.....can't wait to see what happens!  

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

This is one of those times....

Life it seems has a change of plans....Just a few weeks ago I was talking about moving on....tired of waiting on others in order to live my life the way I want.  Plans!  Actions!  Going!  Doing! 

Now, it seems, I have come to a stand-still....afraid....afraid of sinking....struggling
to move forward, but somehow losing my map, not knowing the way....

Obviously, this is one of those "times"....when you are supposed to use this time
to look inside, explore those feelings, thoughts, etc....in order to move on to the next
step. 

But, what if you take the time to look only to find nothing there?

Friday, March 23, 2012

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Moving on...

This was my horoscope yesterday:

Feel free to match your plaid pants with your paisley shirt today, Capricorn. Accessorize with wild sneakers and a striped jacket. Let the oddball within you shine brightly! This is a terrific day for you, and you should feel free to express yourself openly and loudly to the world. You should experience a great deal of self-confidence. Take full advantage of it at this time.
 
Which is really odd, because I wasn't dressed much differently and with a scarf around
my head....I was very much rocking my "Professor Trelawny" look.  
 
I've reached that point in my life where it's time for me....and I am beginning to embrace my inner "oddball".....  I want to explore and experiment...see what fits, what I like, what needs to go from the past in order to create this new me as I move into the Crone years....
 
I do still struggle with concern about others opinion about me....but, that is becoming less and less. 
 
And I do become frustrated in searching for my new "voice" - but maybe that is to be expected as I'm trying new ones out and not really knowing which way to go.
 
All in all, it's an exciting journey....I spent my entire adulthood playing Mom....which I loved very much...but the babies are grown now and living their own lives.....And I am too!
 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Connections

Ever wonder where those words come from?  The ideas, thoughts, the just right
angle in the camera lens?

Yes, we all talk about The Muse and her bounty of gifts....but do you ever wonder why?

Why is it that in your everyday surfing of the www, you stumble across that site..the
one that takes your breath away with it's beautiful art and gorgeous words.  The one that seems to be speaking Directly. To. You.

How are we all drawn to each other and why?   Do you have something to offer me?
Do my words comfort you?

I have had this thought niggling in the back of my mind these past few weeks...I find it so strange that you can discover someone new that you really like and you hang around
a while only to find out later they are following some of the same people you do...it's a connectivity that I find intriguing and it makes me wonder what is to come, what we
can achieve with these connections.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I am tired of waiting

We continue to work on our farmhouse remodel...it's going
p.a.i.n.s.t.a.k.i.n.g.l.y slow.  This causes me to become rabidly
obsessed and unwilling to do anything other than work on the house. 
No one understands how badly I need (not want.  need) to move
and get this part of my life going.

It's at times like this, that God throws in that monkey wrench designed
to make me slow down, pay attention and re-order my priorities.

When said monkey wrench arrived earlier this week, after pouting
and fuming a bit, I did realize the gift....but, I also realized that I
tend to live my life around others....waiting on their moods, their
decisions, etc.....I tend to think "someday.....when (insert whatever
here) is done, then I will be able to live this dream of farm life"

(dont think i'm all selfless and giving....i have plenty of "me" moments and get to do what i want)

I've decided that each day I will make an effort to do at least one thing
no matter how small to make my dream a reality....I will stop waiting for
someday and will do it now.  I am tired of waiting.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

A story

Once upon a time, there was a little boy.  He asked his parent
for a new toy and was given his wish.

But the little boy was not happy with his gift.....it didn't do
what he wanted.  The toy wanted to fly, to experience the
wind beneath its wings, to see the world.

And so, in his tears, he told his parent the toy was broken and
he wanted a new one....one that would do what he wanted and
would never break. 

With a sigh of almost disappointment, the parent did as the boy
wished.

And he never flew.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I'm falling in love....

...with words.

I am not a writer....never have been - that's why I struggle with
posting here.  (and I've often wondered what ever possessed me
to start this blog.)

But lately, I have been finding writings on the www that have
rocked my world.  First on Pinterest, I saw this.....

Seduce my mind and you can have my body,
Find my soul and I'm yours forever.
~ by Anonymous ~


And then I regularly read Mel here and Debbie here.   And this is just 
a little snippet from Rachel Snyder 
...look in your mirror!
you are the river of love’s tenderness
from your mouth springs the breath
you never know, you may be holding
the heart of the world in your very hand
offering sustenance everlasting
in a single crumb of sweet compassion
 

All of these women (and too many more to list) are pure magic....to
be able to take everyday thoughts, spin them in to gold and send them
out to touch our hearts.  Such a gift to share with the world....

I will keep reading and taking notes....perhaps one day, I too will be
able to share such magic!



Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Exactly!

Capricorn

December 22 - January 19

It’s likely that you’re feeling ready for a change, Capricorn. It isn’t that you’re dissatisfied with your job or environment, rather that your mind is hungry for new challenges. You may be able to satisfy this hunger by taking on more responsibility at work or signing up to attend some evening classes after work. Any new and different activity will give your mind the stimulation it craves.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Choose Joy!


Yesterday was not a good day....I guess I was feeling the weather:
wet, dreary and cold.  So, when I read that the daily prompt for our
Book of Days was "What brings you joy?"  I had a hard time getting
to that place. 

But, in the interest of playing along, in the hopes of changing my mood,
I thought about joy.....what it is and where I find it.   My joy springs from
love....mostly for my family and friends.  Those who have my heart are
more precious than gold to me  They are truly my life's blood.

I also love Nature.  It is where my soul connects to God...and where I find the
answers to my questions.    Nature brings me peace, where I find my truth
about who I truly am. 

I am a simple woman - I don't need a lot of flash in my life.  I love the natural,
the real.....and knowing that brings me tremendous joy!!



Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sunday mornings

On Sunday mornings, I love to stand at my kitchen
window, cup of coffee in hand and watch the birds
at the feeder.

It doesn't matter that my kitchen is just four walls
(well, 3 1/2 really)...there are no cabinets, no stove,
no fridge....just windows.

I dream of the day when our farmhouse remodel is
complete and we live there full time.  We have such
a long way to go and somedays, I feel we'll never
get there. 

But the birds bring me peace, they tell me they will
wait for me to get there and then we will be together
always. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Book of Days....the beginning

I've joined Effy Wild for her art journal classes, Book of Days....a year
long exploration and learning adventure.

I love to surf the internet....just to see what's out there and see what kind
of work people are doing.  This past year, I would come across different
sites that would feature some very beautiful and amazing pieces of art
in these journals.   I immediately became entranced, but was just too unsure
of myself to do anything....

So, when I found Book of Days in my daily surf, I took it as a sign to
get going and do something...I had told myself that in 2012, I would
make more time for me, time to pursue my art, to learn and do instead
of just reading about it.

In a project last week, our challenge was to journal about something
that challenges us and we were using a mosaic design....my mind
was blank, I couldn't think....nothing sounded right and after I finished,
it just didn't feel right - the words felt forced and "not me".  Effy had
used the example of rejection in her video and since I was blank at the
time, I did as well.

Here's the original spread:


I just wasn't happy with it, so I thought about it a couple of days....realized that
in the future I need to listen to my own heart.  Which is in fact a big challenge for
me....I did go back and add some more....it's still not where I want it to be, but I
know this is a learning process and that I am working to find my own voice.


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Words in a New Year

I've been looking....waiting....hoping to get a sense of
my word for this year......Zip, zilch, nada-nothing seemed
to be coming through. I was beginning to come to the
conclusion that it was a fruitless search.

And then the other night I was reading Graciel's winter issue
of The Soul in Bloom.  In her poem, The Gift, she says
"The Gift is always greater than the limitation, and once
claimed becomes the means to rise above it all."

This hit me like a ton of bricks...so simple and yet so
very powerful.  And then I knew that in 2012 I will
work to CLAIM my gift.